Friday, June 19, 2009

DVD- 'Wrestle-Man' Starring Mickey Rourke and some tranny.

     I know what you're all thinking right now. You're thinking "Jeff man. you are literally the raddest duder on the planet! How are you going to review bad DVDs if you only watch the best?! Cause you're the coolest!" Well keep your bras on ladies although you do make a valid point. That being said I should tell you that not only do I not own any bad movies on DVD or BluRay but I don't own any DVDs or Blus at all! I don't need to. 

     I get 99% of my movie watching done when I'm at my supermodel/girlfriend's places. You see I end up having way to much erotic time with them and sometimes I just need to say 'Hey! Beby-Cakes! Hold up a second. Let's rest a while, you know? I can't keep this pace up forever! Toss on a movie and fetch me a beer and a tequila slammer.'  That's exactly how it goes. 

     So the last time I flew up to Prague to chair a conference on why N'sync should get back together this exact situation came up, like it always does. After enjoying a few dozen blowies Colette tosses on some shitty movie called 'Wrestling' or 'The Wrestler'. No wait. It was 'Wrestle-Man'. Yeah that was it. So I sit back and expect a great super-hero flick like Daredevil or Ghost Rider. You know, a freaking classic. Well let me tell you, bub. Wrestle-Man sucked

   It features Mick Rourke as an aging wrestler trying to deal with what a colossal fuck-up he's become. That's it. No car chases, no gun-fights and not one scene where he turns into some sort of mutant ghost and fights crime. I mean what kind of action movie is this?! (And they only mention 'Call of Duty 4' once which is an immediate 'throw-up in my mouth' on the scale of things that make me sick. )  

     The closest thing it had to sex was a series of awkward lappers by some man-lady that Wrestle-Man had some sort of weird crush on. Whoever played the tran did a great job though. I mean those booblies looked real, (but lets face it, you could tell what was what with that one). Manthing was the only thing that was really good about the film anyways. I mean after all that plastic surgery it could act happy, it could act sad and most intriguing of all it could really work that pole. Talk about making the movie-goers questions how their brains work sexually. I mean it was hot. 

     So all-in-all it's going to take a while before Colette gets back in my good books for showing that piece of trash movie. I just hope Mickey stays away from the super-hero genre for good cause mercy that last one was a stinker!  Now John Cena. There's a Mrestle-Man! 

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